85 Fish Puns That Will Have You Reeling

1. What do you call someone who knows a lot about seafood? An a-fish-ionado.

2. Which type of fish is most used in combat? A swordfish

3. Why do shrimp only think of themselves? Because they’re shellfish.

4. What did the fish tell his parents about his new girlfriend? I met the gill of my dreams!

5. Why did the fish go see an ear doctor? It was hard of herring.

6. When does a fish go to the eye doctor? When it has trouble sea-ing.

7. What kind of tinned fish does the Pope eat? Holy mackerel.

8. What do you call it when you help me and I help you? Squid pro quo

9. How do mollusks take a picture? With a clam-era

10. What did the genie say when the salmon rubbed his lamp? I’ll give you three fishes.

11. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

12. How much money does the wealthiest fish in the world have? A gillion dollars.

13. Who do fish pray to? Cod almighty.

14. Why are fish so smart? They’re always in schools.

15. Why was the fish let go from his job? The company was scaling back.

16. Where do shrimp go to sell their stuff? A prawn shop.

READ MORE: What’s the Difference Between a Shrimp and a Prawn?

17. Why couldn’t the sea scallops storm the castle? They were held back by the bay scallops.

18. What happened to the sablefish after typing on a keyboard too much? He was diagnosed with carp-al tunnel syndrome.

19. Which fish always tastes funny? A clown fish.

20. What did the shy crab wish for? To one day come out of its shell.

21. Many people think poke is the greatest fish dish ever. Well, that’s debata-bowl.

22. Why do fish make the best comedians? They’re very finny.

23. What did the police say when they arrested the smoked salmon? Lox him up.

24. What do mollusks and potatoes have in common? They’re both scalloped.

25. Who do you call to help light up your house? An electric eel.

26. Where do downtrodden calamari live? On squid row.

27. Why is it a good idea to go canoeing with ikura? They’re really good roe-ers.

READ MORE: Roe and Behold! Ikura Recipes for Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner

28. HBO is coming out with a Sopranos spinoff. It’s about Italian lobsters.

29. What did the sockeye salmon say to the coho salmon after their first date? You’re a reel catch.

30. There’s an art supply company that crustaceans are really into. It’s called cray-ola.

31. You should serve caviar and sparkling wine when your boyfriend comes over. It will make the night very roe-mantic.

32. Four shrimp were driving to dinner in the same car. As they got closer to the restaurant, the driver began looking for a parking space. The first spot looked empty, but it was taken up by a motorcycle. The second spot they saw was actually a fire hydrant. The third spot was too small. After another 20 minutes of driving around, they came across a fourth spot. Turns out, it was blocked off due to a sinkhole. The shrimp that was driving was so frustrated, he turned to the passenger and shouted, “This scampi happening!”

33. If you’re looking for something to do this weekend, try fishing. Even if you’re not into it, just go for the halibut.

34. Why don’t most fish like swimming to Antarctica? Because getting there is a real pain in the bass.

35. There’s something a little fishy about this meal. Oh, wait. It’s just anchovies.

36. It’s hard to take calamari seriously when they’re always squidding around. 

37. Where do Tanner crabs like to play in winter? In the snow.

38. The tuna received his report card and was a bit upset about his grades – all seas.

39. Why didn’t the haddock get the job? He floundered during the interview.

40. A king salmon was rescued from a bear trying to eat it. Unfortunately, part of its tail was bitten off. It was immediately brought to the hospital to see a sturgeon. 

41. What’s an astronaut’s favorite fish? A starfish.

42. When the king crab and scallop got married, they had a glorious wedding. It was quite the shell-abration.

43. What do you call a crab that delivers presents on Christmas? Santa Claws.

44. What is a cetacean’s favorite TV show? Whale of Fortune.

45. Where do fish sleep? On waterbeds.

46. Why do fish always know how much they weigh? They swim with their own scales.

47. Why couldn’t the salmon get a table at the vegan restaurant? They don’t serve fish.

48. What’s a cod’s least favorite day of the week? Fry-day

49. I emailed a salmon last month. I’m still waiting for a re-spawn-se.

50. What’s the best advice you can give a fish when someone breaks up with them? Don’t worry, there are other fish in the sea.

51. If I want to know what it’s like to be a fish, Alaska salmon.

READ MORE: The 5 Types of Salmon

52. What kind of food do whales like to serve at cocktail parties? Shark-uterie.

53. Fried shrimp are always angry. They have a hard time controlling their tempura.

54. How do you stop people from stealing bagels? You put lox on them.

55. Which mollusk is in the best shape? Mussels

56. What did the sushi say to the bee? "Wasabi!"

57. Have you ever toured a tinned fish cannery? They’re always packed.

58. What is a sardine’s favorite Wizard of Oz character? The Tinned Man.

59. Astronomers thought they spotted a constellation in the shape of a smoked salmon. Turns out it was just a super nova.

60. Why did the farmer put a scallop on top of his barn? Because it was a weathervane.

61. Why was the salmon eating pennies? It spent too much time in the Copper River.

READ MORE: 12 Fascinating Facts About the Copper River King Salmon

62. What do you call an ill-tempered fish? A crab.

63. A salmon challenged a tuna to a race and lost bad. Some say it got smoked.

64. What do you call a foot covering that can see? A sockeye.

65. What did the smoked salmon say to his son when he dropped him off for the first day of school? Good lox!

66. Did you hear about the new fraternity that’s recruiting salmon? It’s called Omega Omega Omega. On campus, they’re known as the Omega-3s.

READ MORE: Omega-3s, Explained

67. Why did the salmon go to the mechanic after swimming 3,000 miles? To get its oil changed.

68. Why are salmon very healthy? They adhere to a strict keta-genic diet.

69. What did the coho say after ringing his friend’s doorbell? Open up, it’s Sal, man. 

70. Do you know what a blue whale’s favorite BB King song is? “The Krill Is Gone”

71. Whether you prefer blue, pink, or tiger, I find them all to be shrimply irresistible.

72. What did the prawn say to her friend who won the race? You’re shrimply the best!

73. Spying on both the Atlantic and Pacific salmon was taking its toll on the Chilean seabass, so he quit. He didn’t want to get caught in a net of lies.

74. Caviar and ikura don’t like one another after last year’s spat in England. It was quite a roe.

75. Why wasn’t the super colossal shrimp allowed into the PG-13-rated movie? Because he was U-12.

76. Did you hear about this tinned tuna that can sing? It’s called a can-a-nery.

77. A crab was walking along a beach and fell into a deep hole. After struggling to escape for 30 minutes, he realized he couldn’t claw his way out.

78. There’s a new branch of the military that’s based in Alaska and made up of the most elite black cod. You can count on them to go into battle at the drop of a hat. Their slogan is “Ready, willing, and sable.”

79. Did you hear about the flounder that won an Olympic medal? He won gold as a Dover.

80. A fish was spotted in the wrong river. It was a lost sole.

81. The flounder found the fish of his dreams. They’re sole mates.  

82. A salmon went into the witness protection program and was given a whole new identity. His new name is Fill-et (Phil A.).

83. The chowder was about to spill the beans on who the robber was, but then he clammed up.

84. A clam and a shrimp were thinking of opening a store together. Once they found out how much it was going to cost, they realized it was going to be a bisque-y business.

85. Why should you never make plans with a white fish? They’re flaky.